Transactional Analysis (TA) is a descriptive and predictive model of interaction between two people based on their psychological ego states. It is the heart of the Sandler methodology.
Sandler alumni understand that each person’s ego is made up of three distinct scripts from childhood.
- The Parent ego state is made up of authoritarian messages from either a Critical Parent or a Nurturing Parent.
- The Child ego state consists of emotional messages from a Natural Child, Rebellious Child or Adapted Child.
- The Adult ego state is made up of logical and rational messages, and it acts as a neutral arbitrator.
As a salesperson, you will want to understand and control scripts arising from these ego states during sales discussions, so you can build and sustain bonding and rapport. Here are some Sandler Rules to help guide you in this:
- Seventy percent of your selling behavior comes from your Nurturing Parent.
- Thirty percent of your selling behavior comes from your Adult.
- Zero percent of your selling behavior comes from your Critical Parent.
- The same goes for your Child. Leave your Child in the car (or, to update the rule a bit, don’t send your Child an invite to the Zoom meeting).
Let’s look a little more closely at the “scripty behavior” of each of these ego states.
Nurturing Parent
Characteristics of people who have a high Nurturing Parent include:
- Others describe them as caring and helpful.
- They readily offer comfort and support. They gently offer solutions.
- They are genuinely concerned for others and look out for the welfare of others.
- They help others discover a better way, rather than tell them what to do.
Prospects and colleagues respond favorably to, and put trust in, people who show genuine concern.
Adult
Characteristics of people who have a high Adult include:
- They are good at gathering data to analyze a problem and select a solution.
- They tend to stay calm and objective in tense situations.
- They seek and find logical explanations.
Adult behavior is appropriate and important if used at the correct time. For instance, during a presentation, an Adult explanation of the solution to the problem is appropriate. Giving detailed, accurate answers to questions is also important. However, sometimes, being highly analytical can stifle a prospect’s creativity
Natural Child
Characteristics of people who have a high Natural Child include:
- They are often described as uninhibited or impulsive.
- They are often spontaneous and like to have fun.
While having fun and being silly are a natural part of life, this behavior rarely is appropriate in a business setting. Telling a joke during a high-pressure meeting is not only inappropriate, but it may also actually increase the tension.
Little Professor
Characteristics of people who have a high Little Professor include:
- They have a strong intuitive sense.
- They are creative.
- They can usually figure out how to get their way.
- They are often known for being able to talk anyone into anything.
- They are sometimes perceived as manipulative.
There is nothing wrong with having good instincts or trusting your intuition. Even so, it is important to remember that selling is not about us. It is about the prospect.
Adapted Child
Characteristics of people who have a high Adapted Child include:
- They continually seek approval.
- They avoid confrontation.
- They avoid “rocking the boat”.
- They tend to accept what others say or do at face value.
These are not ideal principles for effective communication in sales. In sales, we need to be able to ask tough questions.
Rebellious Child
Characteristics of people who have a high Rebellious Child include:
- They avoid rules and restrictions and don’t like to be told what to do.
- They hate to be told “no.”
- They are often too emotional to recognize the impact their actions.
There is no place for our Rebellious Child in any business environment.
Ego States: The Big Takeaway
Learning to communicate authentically from a high Nurturing Parent with occasional appeals to high Adult provides the best bonding and rapport template for sales professionals. Contacts in all roles will perceive you as warm, caring, and objective; prospects and influencers will see you as someone they can trust who offers logic and intelligence that brings value to the discussion.
