According to Neurolinguistic Programming there are three elements to communication. Body Language, Tonality and Words. In a previous blog I was looking at the words you use, your Content.. Now we are going to explore the other two. NLP theory suggests that Body Language and Tonality are much more important than the content itself, or at least as humans we take our cues more from what we see someone else do and from the tone that the person is using than from what is being said. Our instinct is look for corroboration of the content or we will mistrust it. In other words, Delivery must be congruent with Content for communication to be effective. The trouble is, I often see that clients of mine have no idea what subtext message they are broadcasting by their delivery and then wonder why their Personal Presence is not good. My Operations Director then reminds me to take a good look in the mirror too!
We all need to be conscious of our Delivery therefore. You can make huge mistakes in Communication and not have any idea that you have made any. You are just left with the annoyance that the other person has reacted strangely or irrationally.
Starting with Body Language, you probably already know you should mirror your business contact if you want to develop “Bonding and Rapport.” Getting “in sync” is much easier if you know what kind of personality you are dealing with.
However, if you want to develop Personal Presence you need to be aware of your own natural style. If you are Dominant, then you will be comfortable with taking control of almost any social situation. The danger inherent in this is that you could appear to be aggressive and difficult to deal with.
If you are a Steady Relator you will be much gentler and more understanding of others with whom you are interacting. That might mean you come across as weak and lacking in confidence.
If you are an Influencer you will thoroughly enjoy the social interaction, even with strangers. If you are extreme in this trait you are more than likely leaving others with a headache when you have left.
If you are a Cautious Thinker you will find projecting a Personal Presence a challenge because you are not comfortable in social interaction to start with. However, your stillness and concentration can be intriguing and powerful.
If you strongly exhibit any one of these Behaviour Styles then your Delivery is more than likely undermining your Personal Presence. In order to have strong Personal Presence you need a balance. You need to appear confident and relaxed in what might otherwise be a stressful situation. If you can stand still and silent and yet command the room, if you can enter a room or appear on a screen with casual power then you have a high level of Personal Presence before you have even said a word. You can master this; be aware of your natural strengths and weaknesses. Use your Body Language strengths to show confidence and work on lessening the impact of your weaknesses.
You must also be aware that people can spot incongruities between what you say with your words and what you say with your body. If you are shaking your head then that negative message will take precedence over any positive thing you might say. I find, for example, that I am a poor liar. My words say one thing and I give it all away with an unconscious movement or inflexion.
The other half of Delivery is Tonality. Tonality covers the qualities of your voice: pitch, rhythm, cadence, volume and speed. When you study Bonding and Rapport you learn that if you want someone to listen to you, you probably need to make sure you are not speaking in a monotone for example, unless, of course, your hearer is speaking in a monotone. Leaving aside how you need to adapt your tonality to the person you are speaking to, you will have your own “natural” tonality. This will shine thorough all your speech, so it is something you need to be aware of. Good communicators want to be easy to listen to. It is unlikely that you will need to do anything other than be mindful of habits you might have that could be distracting. Do you speak too loudly or too softly? Do you speak too fast or then again do you tend to sound languid? Do you tend to come across too dramatic or are you not varying your delivery enough? Just being aware of your own tonality is powerful self-knowledge and will allow you to use your natural tendencies or allow you to think how you might want to mitigate them.
If you'd like some practical exercises on how to get better at your delivery, let me know and I'll send you my e-book on Personal Presence. Or if you'd like to have a conversation to see how you can improve in your business success, please contact me.
