When discussing negotiation, the best starting point isn't a technique or strategy - it's your reflection in the mirror. Negotiation is a profoundly personal endeavor long before it becomes an interaction. Before you sit down at that negotiating table, you're already engaging in a critical dialogue with yourself about your identity, your value, and how you perceive your role in the wider market.
The First Negotiator: Yourself
Every negotiation begins with you. It's about understanding and managing the mightiest emotions and reactions you confront when looking in the mirror. Whether you're dealing with an imposing VP or a challenging client, how you see yourself as a peer or subservient can predetermine the outcome. If you start from a place of deficiency, like I once did, feeling like 'I am not enough,' you handicap your potential right from the start.
Building a Strong Self-Concept:
You've heard this before: Sales is a mental game! Building and maintaining a solid mental image is essential for anyone to be happy long-term and for many to succeed in their work. Here are some things to keep in mind while building this for yourself.
- Self-Evaluation: Assess your strengths and weaknesses honestly. Are you reacting emotionally or responding thoughtfully in high-pressure situations? The first step to improving your negotiation skills is clearly understanding where you currently stand.
- Role Identity: We all play numerous roles - employee, leader, parent, friend - and how we perform in these roles can profoundly influence our negotiating style. We improve our negotiation skills by improving how we handle these roles, especially under stress.
- Emotional Resilience: Your emotional bounce-back rate is important. Building resilience is hard work, but it's worth the effort.
Reflect Before You Engage
Before entering any negotiation, take a moment for self-reflection. This isn't just about psyching yourself up; it's about grounding your identity in a strong, confident self-image.
- Visualization: Imagine the negotiation unfolding positively. Visualization isn't just fanciful thinking - it's a proven technique athletes use to enhance performance by priming their minds for success.
- Affirmations: Positive affirmations can reinforce your self-worth and reduce the anxiety associated with negotiations. Remind yourself of your skills, your past successes, and your value.
- Preparation: Understand your market position thoroughly. Are you a unique player or one of many? Knowing this shapes your strategy and bolsters your confidence.
I/R Theory
Understanding Identity/Role (I/R) Theory can be transformative in the complex arena of negotiation. This psychological framework distinguishes between our "identity" - our core self, which remains constant - and the "roles" we adopt in various aspects of life, such as a negotiator, leader, parent, or friend. Each role carries its own expectations and pressures, and how we perform in these roles can deeply affect our negotiations.
Crucially, I/R Theory teaches us that while we may experience failure in our roles, these setbacks should not shake our core identity. Recognizing this distinction helps maintain self-esteem and resilience, ensuring that failures in specific roles don't make us question our overall self-worth.
For negotiators, this means understanding that a setback at the negotiating table is just that—a role-specific failure, not a personal deficiency. By separating our identity from our roles, we can approach each negotiation with a stable self-image, ready to engage without the burden of past failures clouding our judgment or diminishing our capabilities.
Negotiation is not just about strategic exchanges - it's also about internal dialogue and mental preparation. You can handle any negotiation with confidence and poise by mastering your self-perception and protecting your headspace.
Remember, the person in the mirror is your first and most enduring negotiation partner. Master that relationship, and you're well on your way to mastering the art of negotiation.
For more insights into effective negotiation strategies and personal development, follow our blog or check out my book, "Negotiating from the Inside Out." Together, we'll transform how you negotiate and view yourself in every aspect of your life.
