Most of us learned the Golden Rule early in life: Treat others the way you want to be treated.
In many situations, it's good advice. But in sales, leadership, and business relationships, it can create a problem.
Why?
Because not everyone wants to be treated the way you want to be treated.
- You may want people to get right to the point. Someone else may want to get to know you first.
- You may make decisions quickly. Someone else may need more time.
- You may want the facts. Someone else may want to talk through ideas.
- You may prefer a short email with three bullet points. Someone else may want the background, details, and supporting information.
So perhaps the better rule is: Treat people the way THEY want to be treated.
That requires something many people struggle with, and the problem isn't DISC. The Problem Is Inflexibility.
DISC is a valuable communication tool that is used to identify communication styles – our own and our clients, customers and prospects. It helps us recognize behavioral differences and understand why people may communicate, make decisions, and respond to situations differently.
But DISC isn't about putting people in boxes. It isn't about walking into a meeting and deciding, "He's a D," or "She's an I." You might be wrong!
More importantly, even if you're right, knowing someone's style doesn't automatically make you a better communicator. The real value comes from what you do with what you observe.
Unfortunately, many people use personality styles as an excuse: "That's just the way I am." Really? That's just the way you are? Or is that simply the way you prefer to behave? There's a difference.
Self-awareness is useful. But self-awareness without flexibility doesn't help much.
If you know that you interrupt people, talk too much, become impatient, avoid conflict, or overwhelm others with details—but continue doing it—what have you accomplished? You've simply become more aware of why you're difficult to communicate with.
Here's an example: Have you ever walked out of a meeting with a prospect thinking, "That went really well," only to discover later that the prospect wasn't impressed? It happens all the time.
A salesperson gives what they believe was a terrific presentation. They were enthusiastic. They told great stories. They explained their capabilities and demonstrated their expertise. Then they finished by asking: "So, what do you think?"
The prospect responds: "Looks good. Send me some information."
The salesperson leaves confused. "What happened? I thought the meeting went great."
Maybe it did. For the salesperson. But apparently, not for the prospect.
The salesperson made a common mistake: They communicated the way they liked to communicate. They gave the presentation they would have wanted to hear. But they never determined what the prospect needed.
Maybe the prospect wanted fewer stories and more facts. Maybe they had concerns that the salesperson never uncovered. Maybe they weren't ready to make a decision. Maybe the salesperson talked so much that the prospect never had an opportunity to explain what was really important.
The salesperson didn't necessarily lose the opportunity because they gave a bad presentation. They may have lost it because they never adjusted.
Stop trying to figure people out! Don't become an amateur psychologist. You don't need to diagnose everyone. You need to become curious. Observe. Listen. Ask questions. Pay attention.
Does this person want you to get to the point? Do they enjoy conversation? Do they ask for details? Do they need time to think?
Your objective isn't to put a label on them. Your objective is to answer this question: "What does this person need from me for this conversation to be productive?" That's a much better question.
Some people need you to get to the point. Others need a relationship before getting down to business. Some people need time. And some people need more information—not more pressure.
When someone asks questions, don't assume they're being difficult. They may simply need information to make an informed decision.
In understanding DISC, the most important question isn't: "What's my DISC style?" It's: "What happens when I try to communicate with someone who isn't like me?"
Can you adjust? Can you get to the point faster? Can you slow down? Can you stop talking? Can you ask better questions? Can you give someone more information—or less? Can you give them time?
The best communicators don't insist that everyone communicate their way. They adjust. They pay attention. They listen. They ask questions.
So the next time you're frustrated and think, "Why is this person so difficult?" Stop and ask yourself:
"What am I doing—or not doing—that may be making this communication more difficult?"
You can't control how other people communicate. But you can control how you respond.
And your willingness to adjust your approach may be one of the simplest—and most powerful—ways to build trust.
