If you were a curious kid like me, you probably delved into the lore of the Bermuda Triangle. This seemingly last vestige of mystery and the unknown can captivate both children and adults alike.
Today, however, I want to discuss another, more sinister triangle that plays a significant role in our personal and professional lives. This triangle is so powerful that it can trap us in a cycle of repeating the same mistakes repeatedly. And yet, you might not even be aware of its existence: the Karpman Drama Triangle.
What is the Karpman Drama Triangle?
Developed by psychologist Stephen Karpman in the 1960s, the Drama Triangle outlines a model of human interaction that maps a type of destructive interaction that can occur between people in conflict.
The model identifies three roles people typically assume in these interactions—Victim, Persecutor, and Rescuer—perpetuating a cycle of negative behaviors and outcomes. Everyone does these all the time, but you likely have one you go to more often than others.
The Roles Defined
- Victim: This role is characterized by an attitude of helplessness, passivity, and dejectedness. In negotiations, the Victim might say things like, "This is always happening to me; I never get a fair deal the buyer always asks me for a discount." This stance can invite others to take advantage of or attempt to rescue them.
- Persecutor: Often seen as the 'villain,' the Persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, and angry. In a negotiation, they might dominate the conversation, dismiss other viewpoints, and insist on their terms, creating an adversarial environment.
- Rescuer: The Rescuer tries to smooth things over and solve problems for others, sometimes even when their help isn't requested. They do this to be kind but have a deep need to be recognized. In negotiations, they might try to ease tension by giving in to demands or by working too hard to find a compromise.
Recognizing Drama Triangle Dynamics
You likely have situations where you can see these roles in your business life. But recognizing in the moment when you or others are slipping into these roles can be crucial. For example, a negotiation that starts with someone playing the Victim can quickly lead to the other party adopting the Prosecutor or Rescuer role. The key to escaping this triangle is awareness and actively managing these roles.
The first step is to recognize these roles in action—to become aware of their dynamics. This awareness alone can prevent automatic re-entry into these roles. But the real trick is creating a new triangle altogether. Enter the empowerment triangle from David Emerald Womeldorff.
Transitioning to The Empowerment Dynamic (TED)
Unlike the problem-focused Drama Triangle, The Empowerment Dynamic orients toward passions, focusing on goals and outcomes. David Emerald Womeldorff, the creator of The Empowerment Dynamic, redefines the roles to foster more constructive interactions:
- Victim to Creator: The Victim becomes a Creator, focused on envisioning and building desired outcomes, transforming problems into opportunities.
- Persecutor to Challenger: The Persecutor becomes a Challenger who provides the necessary pressure to promote growth rather than inducing fear or guilt.
- Rescuer to Coach: The Rescuer becomes a Coach, empowering others by asking questions that promote reflection and self-reliance rather than solving problems for them.
Each shift requires imagination and courage, but by taking "baby steps" each time we feel the pull of drama, we can clarify our goals and forge a path toward achieving them. Each of these roles is needed in our teams today, and we all can play each role at different times.
Like the mysterious waters of the Bermuda Triangle, the Karpman Drama Triangle can seem an inescapable part of our interactions. However, with the right strategies and the empowering alternative of TED, you can navigate out of these treacherous waters and into more constructive and satisfying interpersonal engagements.
Next time you find yourself in a negotiation or tense office situation, remember to look out for these roles and actively choose a healthier approach. By doing so, you escape the triangle and transform your negotiations into more positive, productive experiences.
