I have been married for a long time—26 years and counting! And I can tell you, what makes a relationship last is not one big romantic gesture. It is not grand gifts, vacations, or special dinners. It is the small, consistent things done over time—showing up, paying attention (which is sometimes hard when there are so many distractions), and having meaningful conversations when it would be easier to avoid them.
Sales relationships are no different. We often talk about closing deals, hitting numbers, and growing revenue. But the relationships that truly last, and the ones that come back to you years later, are built when there is no immediate transaction on the table. They are built long before you need them.
Relationships Are Not Transactional
In marriage, if you only show up when you want something, you will not be married very long. The same is true in sales and leadership.
Strong professional relationships are not maintained through constant pitching or checking in only at the end of a quarter. They are maintained through genuine interest in the person, not just the account. That means remembering what matters to them inside and outside of work. It means listening more than talking. It means being curious without an agenda.
When people know you care about them as a human being, not just a revenue number, trust deepens. And trust is what keeps relationships intact when things get difficult.
Being Authentically Interested
One of the most overlooked skills in sales is authentic interest. Not manufactured curiosity. Not asking questions because a script tells you to. Real interest.
In my own marriage, being present matters more than anything. I'm often asked, Do you turn 'Sandler' off when you're home? I'm confused by that question because if they really understood Sandler as a psychology-based, person-to-person interaction process, they would know it becomes part of you. People can tell when you are just going through the motions. They can also tell when you genuinely care.
Authentic interest creates space for honest conversations. Those conversations lead to better decisions, better outcomes, and longer relationships. This is where work and life integrate. You do not stop being a human when you walk into a meeting.
Maintaining Connections Over Time
Strong relationships require maintenance. That does not mean constant contact. It means intentional contact.
In sales, it is easy to let relationships fade when there is no active deal. That is usually when they need attention the most. A quick note. A genuine check-in. A conversation that has nothing to do with business.
Over time, those moments compound. I have seen relationships come back years later because someone remembered how they were treated when nothing was being sold.
KARE and Long-Term Relationships
Sandler talks about KARE for a reason. It is not just a planning framework. It is a relationship framework.
- Keep the clients who trust you and value the relationship.
- Attain new relationships by leading with curiosity and clarity.
- Recapture relationships that drifted, not by selling harder, but by reconnecting honestly.
- Expand relationships by continuing to serve well after the deal is done.
The strongest relationships often live in the Keep and Recapture categories. They are built on history, consistency, and care.
Strong Relationships Create Stability
In uncertain markets, relationships become an anchor. When budgets tighten and decisions get harder, people lean toward those they trust. That trust is not built in a single quarter. It is built over years of consistent behavior.
The same principle applies in marriage. The work you do when things are calm determines how strong the relationship is when pressure hits.
February is often associated with relationships, but strong relationships are not seasonal. They are strategic. They are intentional. And they are worth protecting.
If you want stronger sales results, start by building stronger relationships. Not just when it is convenient. Not just when it is profitable. But consistently, over time. That is how relationships last. At home. At work. And everywhere in between.
