Better Networking Starts with Self-Awareness
Every networking event has a familiar cast of characters.
There is the person handing out business cards before learning anyone’s name. A group of coworkers has formed a closed circle near the bar. Someone is pretending to answer an urgent email. Another person has turned a casual introduction into a twelve-minute not-so-humble-brag story about themselves.
Most of these people are not trying to be difficult. They are uncomfortable, and a familiar stress response behavior has taken over. We all have one, so let's talk about the common stereotypes and what to do instead.
Regina George: The Cliquer
Regina George, the queen bee from Mean Girls, controls who belongs and who stays outside the circle.
The networking version is usually less intentional. These are coworkers, clients, or friends who arrived together and spend the evening talking only to one another. Their circle feels safe to them and completely closed to everyone else.
Familiarity lowers anxiety. It also limits opportunity. Agree to separate after the first few minutes. Meet new people, then reconnect later and introduce one another to the people you met.
Your coworkers can hear your same stories tomorrow.
Jordan Belfort: The Business Card Machine Gunner
Jordan Belfort from The Wolf of Wall Street represents speed, persuasion, and relentless self-promotion.
His networking counterpart treats the room like a numbers contest. They deliver an introduction, distribute a card, collect one in return, and move to the next person.
The activity feels productive because it can be measured. The problem is that nobody cares. No one wants to be speedily processed by a prospector. Slow down. Have fewer conversations. Learn enough about the other person to decide whether another conversation would be useful.
A smaller stack of business cards is an office supply inventory problem. A scheduled coffee with a new connection is progress.
Neville Longbottom: The Wallflower
Neville Longbottom begins the Harry Potter series as nervous, hesitant, and unsure whether he belongs. He has plenty to offer, but confidence takes time to catch up.
The Wallflower at a networking event checks their phone, studies the appetizer table, or waits for someone else to begin.
Entering a conversation can feel like interrupting. Standing alone may feel safer, even when it guarantees that nothing changes. Use one simple opening: “What brought you to this event?”
You do not need a brilliant conversation with each person. You just need enough courage for the first five seconds to start one.
Michael Scott: The One-Upper
Michael Scott from The Office wants people to like him and respect him. His need to prove himself often turns an ordinary conversation into a performance.
The One-Upper does the same thing. Every client is larger. Every problem is harder. Every story eventually circles back to their own experience. This behavior often comes from insecurity. Silence feels dangerous, so expertise rushes in to fill it.
Ask one follow-up question before sharing your own story. Stay with the other person’s experience a little longer. Your credibility grows faster when people feel understood first.
Ted Mosby: The Over-Prepared Professional
Ted Mosby from How I Met Your Mother is thoughtful, earnest, and deeply attached to the version of the story he prepared in his head.
The Over-Prepared Professional arrives with a memorized elevator pitch. Their introduction is polished. Their transitions are smooth. Every conversation somehow lands on the same rehearsed explanation.
Preparation should help you become more present. It should not make you sound prerecorded. Prepare a short story about the people you help and the problems they face. Then pause and let the other person decide what sounds relevant.
The same principle applies to formal presentations. As I discussed in Stop Reading the Slides. Start Reading the Room, the best conversations begin when professionals stop performing long enough to notice what is happening around them.
Ted Lasso: The Person People Remember
Ted Lasso is warm, curious, and unusually good at making people feel seen. He asks questions, listens carefully, and creates connection without trying to dominate the room.
The person everyone wants to talk to at a networking event usually behaves the same way. They notice someone standing alone. They welcome a new person into the group. They make thoughtful introductions. They listen without scanning the room for someone more important.
They act like a host even when they have no official role. They also know how to end a conversation respectfully: “I’ve enjoyed talking with you. Is there anyone here I can introduce you to?”
That simple question creates an exit while continuing to be helpful.
Acknowledge the Character Before It Takes Over
You do not need to become louder, funnier, or more polished. You simply need enough self-awareness to notice what happens when you feel uncomfortable.
You may hide with people you know. You may start pitching. You may talk too much or wait too long for someone else to act. That's ok for a few minutes to get comfortable in the event.
Notice the habit without judging yourself. Then make one better choice.
- Ask another question.
- Listen longer.
- Welcome someone who looks uncertain.
- Continue the conversations that deserve another step.
The strongest connections are usually built by the people who make networking feel less like working.
