Parent, Adult, Child: Why Buyers Really Decide to Buy
What Really Motivates Buyers?
Every salesperson wants to know: what makes a buyer say yes?
The surprising answer is that it starts with the Child ego state—a core principle in Transactional Analysis, the psychology framework behind the Sandler Selling System.
The Child isn’t literal. It’s the part of every person that responds emotionally—curiosity, fear, envy, desire, or excitement. And until that inner Child says, “I want this,” no amount of logic or justification will move the sale forward.
The Three Ego States That Shape Buying Decisions
Transactional Analysis explains that people make decisions through three ego states:
Child – emotional, impulsive, driven by wants and feelings.
Parent – judgmental, protective, focused on rules and values.
Adult – rational, logical, weighing pros and cons.
David Sandler recognized that all three play a role in a purchase, but the Child always decides first.
Why the Child Matters in Sales
The Child’s voice often comes from a more profound need:
To have something.
To know something.
To do something.
To be recognized for something.
These needs are usually triggered by unresolved problems or challenges—what Sandler calls Pain. Helping the prospect uncover and name that Pain is the heart of the Pain Step in the Sandler Selling System.
When you successfully connect with a buyer’s Child ego state, you create the emotional spark that leads to action.
How to Trigger the Child’s “I Want It”
The prospect’s Child may decide to buy because you:
Revealed something they didn’t know.
Offered a fresh perspective that challenged their current approach.
Helped them see the root cause of a problem.
In those moments, the Child says: “I want to know more” or “I want what this salesperson offers.”
Without this spark, the sale stalls.
Why Emotion Isn’t Enough
Of course, emotion alone won’t close the deal. Once the Child says, “I want it,” the other ego states step in:
The Parent asks: “Is this the right thing to do? Am I being responsible?”
The Adult asks: “Does this make sense financially? Are there better options?”
If these concerns aren’t addressed, the sale may collapse—even after the Child is on board.
That’s why the Budget Step and Decision Step exist in the Sandler Selling System. They satisfy the logical and responsible voices of the Parent and Adult, ensuring the purchase feels justified as well as desired.
Bringing It All Together
The power of the Sandler Selling System lies in aligning your sales process with all three ego states:
Win the Child by uncovering Pain and sparking desire.
Reassure the Parent by showing the purchase is responsible and appropriate.
Convince the Adult by presenting clear, logical, financially sound value.
When you address all three, the buyer’s internal voices align—and the decision becomes a confident yes.
