I recently read a great interview between David Epstein and Charles Duhigg about Charles’ new book Supercommunicators. Besides the title being a fantastic Scrabble word, the book is a good read for anyone who wants to be able to effectively speak to other human beings. It’s also useful for anyone wondering why their spouse is mad at them “for no reason whatsoever”. Being able to connect with others effectively is crucial not only in life, but also as a sales technique.
It’s why Communication is the first segment on the Sandler Flywheel. What, did you think the Sandler guy isn’t going to be bringing up Sandler when it’s relevant? Or even when it isn’t relevant but it’s still pretty interesting? Or on a plane next to someone who is politely nodding and indicating they want to go back to their very important inbox cleaning? You get it. Where was I…
Oh yeah, Communication skills. I think most of us have heard a version of the phrase “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place”. I’ll paraphrase George Bernard Shaw (G-Bersh for his fans, the O.G.s) and simplify it to "don't assume people understand you”. Even you, the person who has read dozens of books about communicating clarity. And even you, the person who has been to so many Toastmasters meetings they’ve graduated to Bagels.
People talk to each other constantly and still manage to not hear one another. When Charles talks about how to ensure that doesn’t happen, he uses a concept called “looping for understanding.”
An excerpt from Charles Duhigg:
Communication has two parts: what we show and say, and hearing what you show and say. What’s really important is not only that I listen to what you're saying, but that I prove to you that I'm listening. And if I do looping for understanding, particularly in conflict conversations, it makes things better. And looping for understanding has three steps:- I'm going to ask you a question, preferably a deep question—about your values, your beliefs, your experiences.
- When you answer that question, I'm going to repeat back to you—in my own words—what I heard you say. The important thing here is that mimicry does not work. What you’re trying to do is show that you paid attention and are thinking about what was said.
- Step three is the one I always forget: Ask you if I got it right. Did I understand you correctly? What I'm doing at that moment is asking for your permission to acknowledge that I was listening. And if you acknowledge that I was listening, you become much more likely to listen to me in return. It's basic social reciprocity, and it's hardwired into our brains.
Imagine for a moment you’re in front of a prospective client named Bob in his office. You notice a trout mounted on the wall. The old school Sales approach is for you to say “Nice fish.” Bob might say something like “Thanks, I love fly fishing.” If you’re not really interested in a connection with Bob, you might say something like “Oh yeah? I know a guy who loves to fly fish. He’s got waders that go up to his armpits.”
Reflection: Do you think Bob feels heard?
Of course not. You took an invitation to learn more about Bob and mentioned a stranger.
Employ some Communication skills: try letting Bob talk about the topic for a while. Something like, “That sounds so cool. I don’t know much about fly fishing. What’s your favorite part of the experience?” Or even better - don’t mention the fish at all. The fish might have been a gift which Bob hates. Or maybe the fish stole the pension money from Bob’s company and Bob had to travel halfway around the world to find that fish and stop them once and for all. You don’t have time for that story. You have an appointment with a goal to accomplish, remember? Make another appointment to hear all about the fish they call “Stealhead”.
Sandler’s Rule #25 is the most important subject people like to talk about is themselves. One of the best ways to build rapport with your buyer is to be genuinely interested in them as people. Not in a creepy, way-too-personal way, but in a way which demonstrates you’re not only interested in making the sale. Our society is too interconnected to believe the people we speak to won’t talk about us in the future. Wouldn’t you prefer they talk about you as a person they can’t wait to recommend to others?
The Ultimate Sales Technique: Listening
Every sales rep has a pitch. The good ones have value statements. The best reps go one step further, and do something different. They listen.
Strong communication skills aren’t about talking more; they’re about knowing when not to. When salespeople truly listen well, they unlock the ability to uncover real problems, ask better questions, and close deals long before the conversation reaches the finish line.
If communication skills training sounds like a smart move for your sales team, connect with Enabling Sales today.
