Managing Your Emotions and Your Team's Behaviors

Coaching Questions

1. Help me understand?
2. How do you measure your success?
3. Do you know the tangible return on investment you bring to our company?
4. What issues are you fueling the fire instead of finding a solution for?
5. It is said we lie loudest to ourselves, where might you be deceiving yourself?
6. When you think of return on investment what do you think of?
7. Thinking about how much you are paid and what you do for the company, do you feel like we are getting a good deal? Why or why not?
8. I have experienced you as _____________________ (state the emotion you see) what's going on?
9. How can I help?
10. What is the obstacle from your perspective?
11. If you had a magic wand, what would you change?
12. What could I do to be better at motivating you?
13. What is the best way to get you unstuck?
14. If you were me, what would you do differently to help us get higher productivity and better results?
15. What do you think you might be blind to?
16. I have a hunch…
17. What hesitation do you have to asking for help? How can I make it easier?
18. What is the best way to provide you with encouragement?
19. What is your passion?
20. What motivates you?
21. What do you think your coworkers think of your actions and attitudes?
22. You must be saying that for a reason…
23. What happens if…
24. Share with me what is working what is not working for you…
25. If you were to leave us for any reason do you think we would enthusiastically rehire you? Why or why not?
26. What patterns in your life do you find yourself repeating? Any idea why that is?

Exercises…

1. Develop together your personal Strategic plan working on it segment by segment.
2. Work on your own personal plan and share with me your strengths and weaknesses
3. Bring me a copy of the Strategic plan and highlight the areas that you connect to and the areas that you cannot buy into.
4. I want to be your guinea pig and help you develop a system as your…(sales person, estimator, etc.
5. Communicate to your employee the way they prefer to be communicated to: Visual, Auditory or Kinesthetic. Compare your VAC assessment results and work to improve your interactions.
6. “Match” your employee’s posture, body movements, volume, rate of speech, tone, favorite phrases, etc. Tell them what you have been doing and then have them try it on you.
7. Establish an agenda for each meeting.
8. Get and give permission to ask questions.
9. Establish that a decision will be made at the end of the meeting.

Remember…

1. Nurture, Nurture, Nurture…
2. A decision not to make a decision is a decision.
3. You have to learn to fail, to win.
4. No mind reading.
5. A professional never does anything by accident.
6. Work smart, not hard.
7. A professional does what he did as a dummy—on purpose.
8. Get an IOU for everything you do.
9. There is no such thing as a good try.
10. The way to get rid of a bomb is to diffuse it before it blows up.
11. Your job is to get information, not give it!
12. Inspect what you expect.
13. You can’t accomplish anything great by playing it safe.
14. Don’t wimp out! Plant your feet.

Avoiding Traps and Defusing Bombs

1. Never give away your position.
2. It’s never over, unless you want it to be over.
3. When your foot hurts, you’re probably standing on your own toe.
4. Only decision makers can get other people to make decisions.
5. The problem the employee brings you is never the real problem.
6. Never become emotionally hooked.
7. Managing is not for getting your needs met.
8. Attack possible fears up front.
9. Worry is interest paid in advance on borrowed trouble.
10. There is a difference between who you “I” and what you “R.”
11. No one can enter your castle without your permission.
12. 0% of your communication skills come from your Critical Parent.
13. 70% of your communication skills come from your Nurturing Parent.
14. 30% of your communication skills come from your Adult.
15. Decide what you want, build a plan, and you can bet on the outcome.
16. There is no growth without pain.
17. If you are only what you are told you can be, you’re less than what you can be.
18. You can perform in your roles only in a manner that is consistent with how you see yourself conceptually.
19. If you feel it, say it…gently.
20. You can’t blame an employee for doing what you didn’t tell them they couldn’t do.
21. Whether you choose your employee’s system or your own will determine if you wind up at Wimp Junction or not.
22. It’s not how you feel that determines how you act; it’s how you act that determines how you feel.
23. No one can get to your “I” without your permission.

Negotiation Techniques

1. Never go into a box.
2. Winners have alternatives.
3. Never answer an unasked question.
4. Answer every question with a question.
5. Begin all reverses with a softening statement.
6. When reversed, an employee will generally redefine his position.
7. When an employee is neutral, get him moving.
8. When an employee is positive, strip line.
9. When an employee is negative, strip line hard.
10. You can’t sell anybody anything—they must discover they want it.
11. Express your feelings through third party stories.
12. When you want to know the future, bring it back to the present.
13. When all else fails—become a consultant.
14. Always allow an employee to preserve his or her dignity.
15. When faced with stalls, objections, or put-offs, you must eliminate them or it’s over.
16. Get an employee to sell himself.
17. Use the pain funnel to create more pain.
18. Take it away from them.
19. When an employee is upset, let them vent.
20. Always know what is going to happen next.
21. Make objections sound ridiculous.
22. Agree in principle, then reverse.

Jim Stephens

President of Crossroads Business Development Inc.