Along the line, too many sellers were taught that the customer is always right.
You'll eventually win the business if you’re nice enough, responsive enough, and helpful enough. You must “add value” to earn trust before asking anything of real substance.
This belief created what I call sales theater, sales conversations that feel warm, supportive, and sincere, but go absolutely nowhere.
There’s a reason some of the most thoughtful, intelligent professionals still struggle to hit their number: They’re stuck in the loop of soft selling.
What happens when you step into the buyer’s BS?
The soft selling we're talking about isn’t about tone or personality but the avoidance baked into the sales process. Being kind, listening, and supportive is great; being subservient is not. Giving up your power to the buyer shows up in ways that feel generous but are rooted in fear.
Here’s how it usually plays out:
- Over-preparing for every conversation. - Re-reading your notes, building pitch decks, and rehearsing objections for a prospect who hasn’t committed to anything.
- Excessive follow-up. - Checking in every week, subtly reminding the buyer how helpful you’ve been while they ignore you.
- Hesitating to ask about money, timelines, or decision-makers. - Telling yourself “it’s too early” when you’re really afraid of breaking rapport.
- Taking pride in being a ‘trusted resource.’ - Even when there’s no actual opportunity, you’re the friend they’ll never buy from.
The problem isn’t your intentions.
It’s your posture.
Soft selling puts the buyer on a pedestal and trains you to blindly follow their process without ever determining whether they’re serious.
You can't afford to challenge the buyer when your sales approach is built around being liked or needed.
You tiptoe. You over-give. You avoid the real conversation because you believe you have to “earn the right” to sell.
But here’s what I see every day with clients we work with:
- Great people are burning out because they’re trying to out-nice their competition
- Teams chasing phantom deals that should’ve been disqualified weeks ago
- Leaders are wondering why their sellers can’t close when they’ve “done everything right”
There’s nothing ethical or customer-centric about that. It hurts you, your organization, and the customer being placated.
What Changes When You Stop Playing the Game
The goal of sales isn’t to be agreeable. It’s to be useful. Real trust comes from structure, honesty, and a willingness to challenge each other respectfully.
Here’s how to start shifting the dynamic:
1. Equal Business Stature Isn’t Arrogance; It’s Alignment.
You’re not there to pitch. You’re there to partner. That means you don’t sell to everyone; you qualify with intention. The buyer has a process. So should you.
2. Rapport Is Not the Same as Relationship.
Good rapport isn’t built on remembering their dog’s name. It’s built on clear agreements, strong boundaries, and mutual respect. If you’re afraid to ask the real questions, you don’t have rapport. You have politeness.
3. Ask the Hard Questions Early.
Stop waiting until “the right time” to discuss money, decision-makers, or urgency. The longer you wait, the more you signal that you and the problem they are trying to solve are unimportant.
4. Set Expectations Like a Consultant, Not a Vendor.
When you meet a buyer who wants to “just explore,” say: “Happy to explore. But if we get to the end of this conversation and it’s not a fit, are you comfortable telling me that—and can I do the same?”
Sales Without the Theater
The best salespeople I know don’t rely on charm or volume. They rely on clarity. They ask great questions. They run great meetings. And they’re more committed to helping the buyer make a good decision than they are to being liked.
You can still be warm. Still be human. But you don’t have to dance like a trained monkey.
There’s nothing more trustworthy than a professional who tells the truth, asks the hard questions, and makes it safe for the buyer to do the same.
Feeling like your team is stuck in emotional theater?
Try this question in your next deal review:
“What questions were you afraid to ask the buyer—and why?”
The answer will tell you everything you need to coach.
Let's chat if you need help changing how your team thinks about sales.
